New Years Eve

'We must be the change we want to see in the world'
MAHATMA GANDHI

My first Christmas without my Mum

This is my first Christmas without my Mum. Never really spent many Christmases with my Mum, but always knew she was there. The circumstances of life kept us apart, situations beyond my and her control. It was like that then. One never talked about these things. Still don't. But she was always there. Alive here on earth with me. I feel shell shocked. I am missing obvious things, feel disconnected, I am constantly on edge emotionally and am ever in danger of crying. Me! The one who has never expressed emotions by crying. Crying like an abandoned babe, a forlorn desolate emotion hangs over me like a shroud.
I sit here at the computer and remember this woman who was my Mother. A woman, far ahead of her time. A quiet, unassuming woman, hard working, faithful, loyal to a fault. A woman who had a tremendous impact on the lives of those she touched. While I often regret that her life never touched mine that much, still I am grateful for the influence she has had on me, even from a distance. No matter where in the world I was, she always found a way to let me know she loved me. During preparations for her funeral, we found lots of inspirational quotes she had collected. In the spirit of her life I offer this, during the season of Christmas;

Touching words from the mouth of babes.What does Love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,
"What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."Billy - age 4 (I love this one)

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."Danny - age 7

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"Nikka - age 6 > (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody .You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Laura - age 5

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

My Mum

On October 15th I got the call I had been expecting but dreading. My Mum was in the final stages of her ilness and I was to get to Australia A.S.A.P.
I had thought myself well prepared for this, emotionally, intellectually etc., but that call virtually destroyed my mind. I had been packing for a trip to a place called Port Elgin, a lovely picturesque spot on the shores of Lake Huron. It is also a cold spot, so after recieving the call, I methodically unpacked the warm clothing, replaced it with lighter stuff, made a few phone calls to arrange for my absence, another call to get me a ticket out of the country, found my passport............and then I just lost it. I was alone at home, my partner off visiting her own Mum.
It started in my legs, which got inexplicably shaky and trembly, then moved to my belly which started quivering of its own accord, then a great gush of emotion spewed out of me as I grasped the fact that this woman, my Mum lay dying in a hostpital in Australia. The tears sprang out of my eyes as if they were powered by an emotion far deeper than I had ever remembered experiencing, splashed off my glasses and back into my eyes. I started what can only be described as a primal screaming, a keening, a letting go of my Mothers spirit, a realization of a cessation of a love that only a mother and her child share. I howled and I shouted and screamed, as I cried my heart out for my Mum. I felt a cold, bleak feeling of sheer and utter desolation as I slowly, ever so slowly started to come out of that initial bout of weeping. The phone rang. That phone call was the first of many that came in that weekend. Friends started dropping by. One stayed with me all evening, went home late. The ticket was arranged through the hard work and tenacity of another valued friend and I was driven to the Airport by yet another friend.

Got this from my pal Jo, who is helping out with relief efforts in New Orleans.

If you want to make monetary donations, you can make the check out to Alabama AFL-CIO, mark it for Hurricane Katrina Relief, and mail to 435 S. McDonough St. , Montgomery, AL 36104. We, the CWA, have several technicians on loan to both Mississippi and Louisiana as both states are included in our CWA District, as well as Alabama. There was damage in south Alabama also. The Alabama AFL-CIO has 2 full-time labor liaisons with the Red Cross and United Way. So we are collecting donations thru our state labor council. U can also go to the CWA web site www.cwa-union.org and link to how to help. Let me know if you need any more info. Thank everyone for their concern. It has been horrific for everyone. Many of my friends have lost all and others are trying to pick up pieces that are left. It is now the time for all of us to take care of each other, as we are all brothers and sisters.

New Orleans

The unfolding human tragedy in New Orleans and throughout the region is provoking an equally generous response from around the world.
I will post links for organizations that need assistance.

Lagging behind

I have been lax in posting to this blog. Just claiming that life itself is busy is no excuse, though it has been extremely busy.
I just have to devote more time to thinking and acting positively and to finding that which is good in all humans.
Each day is, I am sure, replete with examples of people doing for others. I just have to find these stories.

About; LightOneCandle

I was pondering my original intentions in setting up this blog. I set it up to record positive events that I come across in my daily life, in the still strongly held belief that dwelling on the positive aspects of human nature is the better course towards future peace and reconciliation. Interpret that however you would, given your own life experiences.
For me it means politics. I can criticize those I disagree with, ad nauseum. The challenge for me is to see "any" good in them at all and the even greater challenge is to give them any credit for anything positive they may have done in life. This blog arose out of the neccessity to inject some balance into my perspective. It seems to be evolving into a record of the generosity of humans across the globe and of positive sayings. I'm interested in seeing where this particular journey leads.
I invite those of you who read this blog, to share your own examples of people in your lives,"Lighting candles" in the lives of their friends, families and in many cases in the lives of strangers.

Getting old?

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know. Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, skin spots and bumps, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family, for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for ! buying that silly cement gecko that I didn'tneed, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 a.m. and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the '50s, and if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten -- and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or when a beloved! pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength an d understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep groove on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no," and mean it. I can say "yes," and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

A powerful quote from Nelson Mandela

Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our worst fear is that we are powerful beyond measure!
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually,......"Who are you not to be"?
You are a child of God! Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around us.
We were born to make manifest the Glory of God within us.
It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Nelson Mandela...Inaugural speech 1994

Lighting many candles

This is a story of how one man turned his personal tragedy into an opportunity to light many candles for those less fortunate than himself. Follow the link to his story and if you are as inspired by this mans courage as I am, then please contribute to his cause.

http://www.cbc.ca/correspondent/feature_050313.html

Life

The Life given us by nature is short,
But the memory of well spent life is eternal.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

Plant a tree

There are many ways to "light a candle".
Consider this;
Someone sits in the shade today,
Because someone planted a tree a long time ago.

Our friend Jeannie

Our friend Jeannie had a way of lighting up the world she lived in. She was an enthusiastic participant in life and enjoyed it to the hilt. Sixty nine years old she was a dynamo doing service for those less fortunate than herself. She had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the whole universe, when she was sharing her life and her adventures with you. She'd find out someone was sick or in hospital and she'd hop into a cab and scoot on over to see them. She'd think nothing of spending hours and hours with us if she felt we needed her company. She would have barbeques at her condo, of which she was inordinately proud and she'd take us all for a walk before we ate. The oldest amongst us, she would always be up front leading the way. Jeannie fit the theme of this blog admirably, indeed she lit so many candles during her life that our whole world shines brightly because of her.
She had one daughter and 3 grandchildren, the youngest of whom was a long awaited grandson, Sean, who was just 14 days old when he met his granny for the first time, just before Christmas.
On her return from a gambling trip in September( she had incredible luck and always shared her winnings by taking people out to eat Chinese food), Jeannie took ill and discovered she had cancer.
We will remain forever grateful that she chose Deb and myself and another close friend Diane to care for her during what turned out to be her final battle. It was truly a time that memories are forged from. We laughed a lot, cried a bit, prayed and spent hours and hours at her condo with her. Diane and Deb learned to give Jeannie her injections, whilst I played the role of the supporter behind the scenes, calming everyone down when they got too emotional or fearful. During the days leading up to Christmas, Jeannie loved listening to Christmas carols and would sing along merrily. Sometimes she would get us to sing along as well.......poor dear, she was too sick to run away once I got singing. Deb and Diane magically disappeared whilst I was crooning along with Nat King Cole. Once after a particularly gruelling chemotherapy session, she hoarsely and weakly started singing, "Lean on me" a song that is indelibly etched in my mind. That was our Jeannie. Whenever anyone was sick or hurting she'd start humming that tune to let us know we had a friend to lean on.
On January/13th Our Jeannie lost her battle with the dreaded disease and passed away peacefully in her sleep.
This week Deb was thinking of Jeannie and said, "Jeannie if you are out there and can really hear me, please give me a sign.
When she turned on the radio in the car, the song "Lean on me" started playing.

WE LOVE YOU JEANNIE!! YOUR CANDLE IS STILL LIT!!

Donations for Tsunami victims

As the world reels from the horrific results of the tsunami that took so many lives and caused such destruction, good people from around the globe responded by giving and giving generously.
A great many candles have been lit by the generosity of donors.
In Canada aid agencies were working overtime taking pledges from generous hearted Canadians. One agency reported it had enough funds to operate for 20 years. Just about every media company is featuring ways by which Canadians can donate.
There are workplace collections, donor boxes at local grocers, special bank accounts set up by various faith based organizations. The ways which people are coming up with in order to help thos in need is truly staggering.
Our globe should be glowing with the generosity of peoples spirit, if there was a way to measure this generous giving in physical terms.
Suffice it to say that in a world filled with war and violence, ordinary people are just opening their hearts and their purse strings to help those most in need, in the best traditions of "Light One Candle".